Monday, March 22, 2010
I got a job recently, and I haven't been around to update this site very often. I mean, I never do, but I need to do at least one Remake Watch post (Police Academy and Overboard!), so even at that, I'm behind on my work.
Since I spent most of the last 24 hours being unusually productive (I got Boxoffice.com and DVDTalk.com work done today too), I figure I might as well post here just to complete the hat trick, and what better to fill your internets with than a random assortment of thoughts about Leprechaun, which I am watching for the first time. I may or may not be watching all six Leprechaun films in the next week or two (yes, they made six Leprechaun films), so you might also be treated to entries on the sequels as well.
I decided to start blogging a little late in the game, so I'm afraid my thoughts on the first 30 minutes are mostly missing. The rest are time-coded, in case you too are one of the poor souls who owns Leprechaun and you'd like to retroactively read along.
(unspecified): Can this movie not afford the expensive visual effect of a door closing?
25 minutes: As a director, if you're unable to visualize the impossible, such as the end of a rainbow, just hide it behind an old truck.
27 minutes: I hope this annoying kid dies first.
28 minutes: The fat guy just ate a gold coin by accident. This incident was followed by this amazing exchange:
"Can you die from eating gold?"
"You can if I kill you!"
You would think that the second line comes from the Leprechaun, but no, it comes from the annoying kid.
28 minutes: I'm afraid there aren't actually expensive surgeries to make morons into geniuses. Sorry, Poor Man's Louis Anderson.
29 minutes: Nathan the Painter is really impressed that Jennifer Aniston has picked up the challenging "paint-in-a-straight-line" technique in 30 seconds. I guess he's into intellectual women.
31:20: Why on earth would she think Nathan the Painter was hiding under the truck? Is that something country painters do?
32:30: The characters in this movie are very easily convinced that the Leprechaun is a random, benign animal.
34:10: Of course, the town just happens to have a collectible coin store. I mean, what town doesn't?
35:50: Damn it, did I leave my bike bell on upstairs again?
36:18: Better whisper exposition to myself while I lock this safe.
36:37: So it isn't bizarre to this coin shop owner that a kid-size tricycle is rolling through his coin shop?
37:42: DEATH BY POGO STICK
37:50: I guess this guy does have a lot of toys, for some reason. Maybe they're collectibles or something.
41:25: Wait, so, instead of kicking the Leprechaun as hard as possible and running to his car, this cop chose to flee into the woods?
42:45: It's a real shame that Mark Jones' elaborate artistic vision is being steamrolled by this cropped, full-screen DVD.
44:20: This cop is experiencing all the stages of grief, at the base of this tree, in order, inside a minute.
44:58: Nathan the Painter has ordered blob, in mud sauce, with a side of slop.
45:43: Aniston pronounces "mature" like "couture". That's how you know she's serious.
46:10: Off-brand Lucky Charms in the pantry. Nice.
47:33: Wait, is the idea that he sanded the boot until he'd whittled it down into a high heel? Why does that change the boot's color?
48:21: Yes, Nathan. A bear arranged a bunch of shoes on the table.
49:20: She's mastered a broom too? On the same day she mastered painting? Look out, world!
49:22: "Sounds like a bell." THIS IS A GENIUS OBSERVATION
50:56: I really do like the flute-heavy score. It's funny. Good funny.
51:56: LOOK OUT A BEAR TRAP
52:17: This battle is seriously epic.
52:46: Don't just stand there, Jennifer Aniston, do something!
52:53: Of two adults, you send the nine-year-old to go get the shotgun?
54:15: What is Nathan shooting at?
55:39: Six rounds my ass. You only put one round into him, you liar.
56:57: kill the kid kill the kid kill the kid kill the kid kill the kid
57:25: No power windows.
58:33: It doesn't even look like the Leprechaun's car is tall enough to touch the truck, much less flip it over.
59:24: We're in some serious Evil Dead territory here.
59:33: Serious Evil Dead territory.
59:36: Wait, so, he opens the door and just runs away?
1:01:41: "Where the hell are the police? They should be here by now!" Police in this town have a minute-or-less guarantee.
1:02:47: The flip-frame transitions in this movie are amazing.
1:03:13: YEAH BADASS SHOTGUN WIELDING JENNIFER ANISTON APPARENTLY
1:06:19: "No one takes a leprechaun's gold!" No one except all of the characters in this movie!
1:07:28: Don't see a lot of dick-grabbing as assault in real life, much less in movies.
1:08:21: "We got the sucker!" Yeah, well, you got him before, too.
1:08:49: Just shoot him again, damn it!
1:09:33: Normally, I'd expect producers to hold off on having the villain in a horror movie skateboard until the sixth or seventh chapter, but Leprechaun goes for the gusto.
1:11:07: It rang before, and it was the Leprechaun! You ripped it out of the wall and threw it on the floor, and you're going to answer it again?
1:11:13: Apparently, the answer is yes. Therefore, this Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off moment is only brought to you by your own stupidity!
1:11:44: "That thing is a leprechaun, and we've gotta find a way to stop it!" Aniston's hatred for that line is audible.
1:12:38: Is there a reason they're not all escaping?
1:14:09: The Leprechaun has mastered the skateboard, but not roller skates.
1:14:35: HEY JENNIFER ANISTON THAT IS A HANDICAPPED ZONE YOUNG LADY
1:15:21: Really, I love it in every movie when characters whisper exposition to themselves. I'm not trying to single Leprechaun out.
1:17:17: The Leprechaun is a master of disguise! Awesome.
1:17:19: WHEELCHAIR CHASE
1:18:38: Exposition is not often delivered by a bloody, dying man, hanging from the roof of an elevator. And by "not often", I mean "not often enough".
1:20:18: The Leprechaun's low-to-the-ground point-of-view turns out to be unexpectedly appealing when it comes to foot chases after 1993-era Jennifer Aniston.
1:23:16: Damn it, movie, don't pretend you're going to kill the kid when you really aren't.
1:23:50: Leprechaun becomes a religious movie.
1:24:10: Largest four-leaf clover ever.
1:25:33: This is not a great movie, but that is an amazing one-liner.
1:26:25: This is the opposite of touching. Stop talking, Ozzie.
1:28:03: One hastily-added voice-over line is an ending, right?