"Fix You"

Remake Watch 2009: "Heathers"

Variety reports from the Bad Idea department at 20th Century Fox (i.e. all of 20th Century Fox) that they're developing a series based on the 1989 comedy Heathers and someone who worked on "Sex and the City" is writing for it.

Of all the remakes I've reported on this year, this easily ranks among the top 3 worst, just because the ideas and plot of Heathers absolutely do not lend themselves to weekly adventures. In fact, to have them do anything other than what happens in the movie would reduce them all to their most superficial elements. On one hand, Heathers is a movie that goes to dark, dark extremes in search of bleak comedy, and on the other hand, it's a show about a bunch of manipulative girls in a clique and the one outsider they've let in. Which of these angles do you think 20th Century Fox and a writer from "Sex and the City" are going to feel lends itself to an ongoing series?

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
3 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

20 Favorite Films (since 1992): Part 1b

I almost forgot: I also thought I'd throw in a ranking of Quentin's movies, since it only seems logical.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)/Jackie Brown (1997)
[ 2-Disc DVD| 2-Disc DVD]
I go back and forth on which one of these two films is better, but either way, Jackie Brown is criminally underrated. It's Tarantino's most mature work, and it expertly blends both his trademark style and a set of more genuine characters. Unlike Marsellus Wallace or Bill, I believe that there are Ordell Robbies in the world. As Max Cherry, Robert Forster gives a great understated performance that is both believable and pure Tarantino. Also, even though their parts are limited, it represents some of the last respectable work Robert De Niro and Michael Keaton have done (and, curiously, some of the last work Bridget Fonda has done at all -- where have you gone, Bridget?).

As for Pulp Fiction, it's easy to forget the movie's brilliance, given how well-known and ingrained in the culture it has become. Yet, the opening diner conversation, the needle bit (starting when the phone rings in Eric Stoltz's house), Butch returning to his apartment, Phil LaMarr's short screen time and the character of Winston Wolf all remain some of the finest work Tarantino has ever done, directed, written, edited and performed to perfection.

2. Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof (2007) [Extended and Unrated]
[ 2-Disc DVD| Blu-Ray]
Like Jackie Brown, Death Proof remains criminally underrated by those with no patience. Maybe people just find the characters unlikable, but I happen to enjoy listening to them talk, because it's all clever, sharply-observed exposition or tension-building chatter, and like he does with most of his actors, he draws out one of Kurt Russell's best performances. Unlike Jackie Brown, though, I have little hope that I can convert people. Oh well. When Quentin is dead and people are studying his movies in 40 years, I think this is a wrong that will be at least modestly righted.

3. Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Just as good at the tension-building and exposition, but the dialogue rarely has the full flair of Tarantino's usual lines, Eli Roth is terrible, and the film overall does feel a tad sparse. The third act is gangbusters though. I say as much, using a whole bunch of bonus words, in my full review.

4. Kill Bill Vol. 1 (2003)/Kill Bill Vol. 2 (2004)
[ DVD 1and 2| Blu-Ray 1and 2]
I like Kill Bill Vol. 1. One of the things holding me back from loving it might be that I'm not the biggest Uma Thurman fan. I'm not saying she's bad in the film; just that, as an actress, she's never really blown me away. Aside from her, the movie is a visually stunning, lightning-fast ride all the way through (at the very least, this is one of Quentin's most dazzling-looking movies).

I also like Kill Bill Vol. 2, but not as much as Vol. 1. Not because of the slower pace, mind you (I did just rank Inglourious Basterds, Death Proof and Jackie Brown above it, didn't I?), but because the Budd material isn't that interesting to me (although the grave punishment and his scene with Elle are good). I could also do without Michael Parks as Esteban, an extended speed bump on the home stretch of The Bride's revenge. These two things have gotta be at least 45 or more minutes of the movie. If the movie was just Pai Mei, Elle vs. The Bride, and David Carradine talking for two hours, it might have been my favorite of his films.

5. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
[ 2-Disc DVD| Blu-Ray]
Finally, I've never been that impressed by Tarantino's debut feature. I like it, but I've always felt like it was only running on 6 cylinders instead of 8. Frankly, if Tim Roth and Harvey Keitel weren't in it -- sorry, Steve -- I don't know if I'd have liked it at all.

Tarantino's Four Rooms segment is pretty good, although I'd consider it fairly non-essential, especially given that you would presumably have to sit through the first two segments of the movie to get to it and Rodriguez's. I also really enjoy both True Romance and From Dusk Till Dawn (which we need on Blu-Ray, stat).

20 Favorite Films (since 1992): Part 1

This video has already been widely posted across the internet, but here is Quentin Tarantino naming his 20 favorite movies since his first film Reservoir Dogs was released in 1992.



In response, I and the other Following Preview writers Matt Lingo and Nathan Kerce have created top 20 lists. Who knows when the others are coming; I tell them to write things and usually nothing happens. Here's my list, encapsulated in an unaltered post I made on the DVDTalk boards *which itself was taken from the CHUD boards), with short explanations about each title. Remember, this is a list of my twenty favorite movies, not the 20 best movies. There's a whole world of difference between those two words, and the latter is, of course, endlessly subjective. I made one change, which I posted at the bottom of the list.

As a bonus, there's a short bit of thought on what has been Tarantino's most controversial choice right before the notes about the change.

---------------------------------

I think when you boil it down, a film can do two basic things: it can speak to you on a personal level, and it can be entertaining. Off the top of my head, here's 20 films made since 1992 that I feel I could sit down and watch at pretty much any minute because they fulfill both of those goals to some degree. The list might have been drastically different if I spent more time on it, but whatever. Everything on the list is a favorite, not a "best".

The main thing that may differentiate my list from others' is that, as per my second criteria, I tend to favor lighter movies over darker ones. Several dark movies, like Requiem For a Dream fell just short of my list because I didn't consider it a film that I could sit down and watch at the drop of a hat.


Almost Famous (2000)
[ DVD| 2-Disc DVD]
A potent reminder of the thrills and disappointments of meeting those you idolize. It's a movie that captures a lot of feelings, but I think that particular feeling is the one it captures the best.

Amélie (2001)
[ 2-Disc DVD]
Poetically written, performed with charm, directed with flair.

Battle Royale [Director's Cut] (2000)
Like Tarantino, I'm putting this one on my list. Even if the film is slowly being digested by its own hype machine (it is not banned in America and never was), I do think the violence hits home. Some of the movie (especially the scene in the lighthouse) is stomach-churningly brutal.

Casino (1995)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
A host of great performances in a visually dazzling setting.

Chasing Amy (1997)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
As someone else said, I don't really give a f--- what anyone thinks about Kevin Smith, and I think all four of his first films are pretty excellent. Since then, he's had highs and lows that are worth debating, but in the 90's, he made excellent movies.

Children of Men (2006)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
The most potent thing about the film is how firmly set in reality it is. It's hard to believe almost every part of the movie won't come true in some way or another, more than any other sci-fi movie I can think of at the moment.

The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)
[ DVD]
Admittedly, Jennifer Jason Leigh's character gets tiring to listen to, but I have always thought this was one of the Coen brothers' best movies. It's also perhaps the only one with dazzling production design and visuals. Not that I don't like The Big Lebowski or Fargo, and I almost put The Man Who Wasn't There instead, but I think this gets left by the wayside.

I ♥ Huckabees (2004)
[ DVD| 2-Disc DVD]
I don't want to make it out like this movie is excessively deep or meaningful, because it's not like I live my life by the principles of a very silly comedy movie, but I think people don't take what's being said seriously enough. You have to give the ideas in the movie enough weight so that you're seeing the events and thoughts the way the characters see them, but that doesn't mean it has to actually mean the same thing to you as it does to them. When it comes to an issue or topic like faith, I don't think people have the ability to see it both ways, as a lark, but a good-natured lark that one can give a little credence to. Which is ironic, because seeing something both ways is exactly what the movie is about.

J.S.A.: Joint Security Area (2000)
[ DVD]
Another one where I agree with Tarantino. J.S.A. is the Jackie Brown of Park Chan-Wook's films: underappreciated and amazing.

Jackie Brown (1997)
[ 2-Disc DVD]
I like a leisurely film, and the first two-thirds of Jackie Brown really take their time. Robert Forster is excellent.

Léon: The Professional [International/Director’s Cut] (1994)
[ 2-Disc DVD]
A great protagonist and a great antagonist, performed with panache.

magnolia (1999)
[ 2-Disc DVD]
I wish other films this long were paced this well. Starting with Aimee Mann's cover of "One", the film moves like a singular force across the screen, and it has the hypnotic narration of Ricky Jay to boot.

The Mist [Black and White Version] (2007)
[ 2-Disc DVD| Blu-Ray]
Scoff if you want, but I think this movie is excellent. To me it felt like a spiritual cousin to Night of the Living Dead, and the black and white version only adds to that.

Office Space (1999)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
The epitome of an easy-to-watch movie. The actual plot sucks, but the movie breezes by and remains funny regardless of how often Comedy Central plays it.

Primer (2004)
[ DVD]
One of the rarest kinds of movies: a movie that almost reflexively insists you watch it again right after it's over.

The Science of Sleep (2006)
[ DVD]
A purely personal favorite. Unlike most of the other movies I listed, I don't expect others to share the sentiment, at least not on the same level (I bet most people will find it impenetrably quirky) or see in it what I see in it, and I don't care.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
I considered picking Hot Fuzz because of how excellent Edgar Wright's direction is, but Shaun just barely edged it out because it feels a little more fine-tuned.

The Signal (2007)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
Another completely personal favorite. It seems like few people saw this one and those who did didn't think it was that great, but I really, really liked it.

Toy Story 2 (1999)
[ 3-Disc DVD]
Woody as a collectible is one of, if not the best idea that Pixar has ever had, as far as I'm concerned. It really is genius.

The Truman Show (1998)
[ DVD| Blu-Ray]
Jim Carrey's best performance. I feel like he's a little too aware of the potential accolades in Man on the Moon, but here he really gives it his all, earnestly and honestly, elevating an already-good movie.

I saw Anything Else several years ago, and I didn't think it deserved the kind of flak it took. When I saw the trailer, though, I had the same reaction to Jason Biggs as Devin from CHUD did. I don't know what changed between the time I saw the trailer and the time I saw the movie. I haven't watched it since, but I thought Scoop and Hollywood Ending were worse than Anything Else (the former because it was basically just depressing to watch how long Woody would fumble to come up with a joke).

The one change I made to this list was swapping The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou for I ♥ Huckabees. Here's the short blurb I wrote about Zissou:

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2004)
I see Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums on other lists, and I think they're great movies, but I have always felt like the pacing of the former stutters and that Zissou is funnier than Tenenbaums while retaining most of the emotional punch.

Note: Seemingly in response to the internet's reaction to Anything Else on Tarantino's list, Roger Ebert made it his "Overlooked DVD of the Week" the same week Inglourious Basterds opened.

Remake Watch 2009: "Skins"

ComingSoon reports via MTV that the network is developing a remake of the BBC show "Skins" for American television, with the original's co-creator Bryan Elsley tagging along for the ride.

The most interesting thing I learned from the article was that the original was written entirely by teens. When I reviewed the first two seasons, I only picked up on one of the episodes being written by a teenager, because the teenager was also an actor (Daniel Kaluuya). Elsley claims that he'll be making sure the same thing happens on the American version, but don't be offended if you catch me not holding my breath.

One of the comments on ComingSoon says that the sex and drugs are the best part and hopes that they're kept in. I don't know how true this is on the surface, but I agree in the sense that I don't need these to be clean-cut kids and for everything to be extensive and pat in its moralizing of the subjects. There is plenty of sex and drugs in "Skins" Series 1 and 2. Sometimes it has consequences, sometimes it doesn't. It's just there, and I hope the American version remains the same in that regard. The series was also bittersweet, which was one of the things I liked best about it, and I again wonder if MTV will be able to let it stand.

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
2 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Shutter Island, dearly departed.

Yesterday, the news broke via Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood Daily that Martin Scorsese's Shutter Island has been pushed back to February 2010. Paramount's Brad Grey released a statement blaming the economy (pretty much the same reason Warner moved Potter in 2008 -- they've made all the money they need to and want 2010 to have a little more financial security), but it doesn't matter. From where I'm standing, it sends a clear message to audiences everywhere: that the movie can officially be ignored.
Now, of course, I might be overreacting, and I haven't seen Shutter Island, so it could certainly suck and then I wouldn't have anything to say about it, but the way most of the people I've talked to about the movie have reacted is depressing to me. I understand that the majority of horror movies made these days aren't that good, but when did the whole genre become useless to people? Why is Martin Scorsese directing a horror film any less interesting than directing another crime film? In fact, shouldn't it be more interesting, because Scorsese has less horror films on his resume (not to mention plenty of crime films)?

When I posted the trailer a couple of months ago, the fact that Scorsese had made a horror movie was, personally, the most exciting thing about it. What I wrote then still holds true: there's nothing like seeing a really creepy, skin-crawlingly, lights-on-all-night, disturbing horror movie, and that pleasure these days is rare. Even Drag Me to Hell (also totally, unfairly ignored by genre fans and one of my five favorite movies of 2009) is more of a funhouse horror movie, the kind where things pop out and you laugh at yourself for being frightened. Ephemeral TFP writer Matt Lingo (mentioned in more articles than he's actually bothered to write at this point) and I agree, some of the dialogue in the trailer just chills the bones. "The nurses, the orderlies, they couldn't possibly know!"

The trailer is also gorgeous. Every single shot is visually stunning: the glow of Michelle Williams in some sort of picturesque-but-twisted Norman Rockwell perfection, the flickering lightbulbs over the guards in slow motion, the subtle, seemingly reverse photography of DiCaprio alone in a library or study, where the smoke pulls backward into the cigarette. Some of it isn't even that subtle: the way the fire engulfs a building while two survivors stand in front of it with dead eyes or how Williams vanishes as DiCaprio embraces her.

There's also the great appeal of the cast, including DiCaprio and Williams, Patricia Clarkson, Ben Kingsley, John Carroll Lynch and the authoritatively imposing Max Von Sydow.

There are remarkably uninspiring posters for the movie (which suprisingly fail to play up the seemingly obvious "Who is 67?" hook built right into the movie), and obviously nothing can be done now to try and lure Shutter Island back to 2009. But I'm afraid of something more than who the 67th patient is on Shutter Island, and that's that despite plenty of starpower and one of the greatest living directors, nobody will care when the movie finally arrives in February 2010.

Here's the trailer again, just for edification.

Youth in Revolt

I think the world is pretty tired of Michael Cera's delicately disaffected comic style, and that includes myself (normally a defender of things that I feel are unnecessarily hated, which on the internet is everything). Yet, this trailer for the upcoming film Youth in Revolt serves as a perfect antidote to Cera's usual work. For about 50 seconds, it might as well be one in a million Juno clones, but immediately afterward it begins to escalate in ridiculous, awesome and hilarious ways.

The movie also features an all-star cast, including Ray Liotta, Steve Buscemi, Justin Long, Fred Willard, Jean Smart, the dependably slimy M. Emmet Walsh, my new favorite movie star Zach Galifianakis and the debut of Portia Doubleday, who looks lovely as Sheeni Saunders. I haven't read it, but it's based on a book by C.D. Payne, and the film was directed by The Good Girl's Miguel Arteta.



Youth in Revolt opens October 30th, 2009.

As a side note, the short version of the movie's summary on IMDb is terrible at summing up what the movie is like. I can't believe someone wrote that summary for the movie advertised in the above trailer. ComingSoon used a similar summary, which means this disinformation is spreading. It makes me tired inside.

Remake Watch 2009: EVERYTHING EVER WTF

I hate to do so many Remake Watch posts, but I'm working on a fairly extensive article, and there should be some other stuff up soon. Still, even if that stuff was almost ready to go, I'd still have to make this post because Hollywood just went remake crazy. Like last time, I've attached a picture of Chloe Sevigny that has no bearing on anything. Here's the rundown:

- Darren Lynn Bousman started work on a remake of Roger Corman's Mother's Day at some point, and I forgot about it until Briana Evigan and Alexa Vega joined the cast. Via ShockTillYouDrop.

- Shoot 'Em Up's writer/director Michael Davis is heading to Outland. Matthew Lingo approves this message. Via Variety.

- Nobody puts Baby in a corner twice! Will women be drawn in by a Dirty Dancing remake when the sequel (which even had Swayze!) seems to have been largely ignored? Via Production Weekly.

- Japanese film Yomigaeri is being remade into Rainbow Bridge by DreamWorks, with the screenwriter of The Time Traveler's Wife hard at work on a second draft. Variety.

- Sadly, that Disney motion-capture animation movie Robert Zemeckis has been chatting about looks like it's probably his remake of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine, and not Who Framed Roger Rabbit II. Via The Hollywood Reporter.

- Bryan Singer is looking to direct an Excalibur remake, and he also has a big-screen Battlestar Galactica reboot in the pipeline (that won't follow the Sci-Fi TV show, for some reason). Via The Hollywood Reporter.

- There is also an inkling that Fox, a studio that only understands things like fart jokes and talking animals and is unaware of the R rating's existence, might be considering rebooting The X-Files film series with new actors and whatnot, which will just piss everyone off. The report is at Moviehole, but it seems to have come from X-Files News. I couldn't find a link on XFN to put here, so Moviehole it is.

Lastly, even though it won't be out until 2010, you can watch the trailer for The Wolfman right here. I like it.

A jump of 6 remakes!

ETA: I guess there's also a Highlander remake with a recent script review. The Hollywood Reporter reported it in 2008, so it doesn't belong on RW 2009, but I figured I'd add it in.

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Poltergeist, Paprika

Shock Till You Drop exclusively revealed that the remake of Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist will be arriving in theaters on November 24th, 2010. I haven't watched Poltergeist in a long time, which I really feel like I should do before I bother having much of an opinion on it, although at one time writer Nick Prescott said it was one of his favorite films of the 1980s.

Moviehole also informs the world about Wolfgang Petersen's apparent interest in regurgitating Satoshi Kon's Paprika. Since I haven't seen that at all, I don't have much to say about it either, but it seems like it could go either way. The movie is supposed to be weird and trippy, and I imagine it would only be more weird and trippy when realized in live action (at least, I assume it would be, since Petersen is a live-action filmmaker -- the article is unclear). Of course, on the other hand, it might just prompt the studio to demand the trippiness (i.e. visual effects) be toned back to save on budget.

Remake Watch 2009:
20 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Harvey, The Orphanage, Gunsmoke, Enter the Dragon

This news is several days old, but I'm lazy: Steven Spielberg will be directing a remake of Harvey for DreamWorks and 20th Century Fox. I haven't seen Harvey since I was in the 8th grade, but I remember enjoying it. In my opinion, the original is held in a weird sort of light esteem that would seem to counteract the possibility that Spielberg will make any sort of impact with a repeat telling, but then again, he's Steven Spielberg, so you never know. I didn't like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in theaters and I kind of hated it on DVD, but I'm hoping that the first Tintin movie will be an awesome return to form.

Meanwhile, The Hollywood Reporter has an update about Larry Fessenden's remake of The Orphanage, which I've been meaning to watch. Spanish auteur Guillermo Del Toro seems to be as involved with the remake as he was with the original (i.e. lots), so hopefully it won't suck.

Lastly, Ain't It Cool News is reporting that John Wayne's Gunsmoke is about to get a redo. Say what you will about me, being a film writer and all, but I've yet to see a John Wayne picture. Westerns were never my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, quit whining, I'll get to them sooner rather than later.

As a side note, Latino Review has revived talk of the Enter the Dragon remake. Oh well. Color me uninterested. The original is about Bruce Lee, not the plot or anything else in it, and without Lee, there's really nothing worth talking about.

I briefly considered posting a picture of PJ Harvey with this article, but then I didn't.

Remake Watch 2009:
18 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Can't the internet read?

Okay, folks: test of your reading comprehension. The New York Times printed the following yesterday:

Still, the future project Mr. Arnold said he's most excited about is a movie with a still-to-be-determined plot and script. "All I know is Jim Cameron's making it and Arnold" — Mr. Schwarzenegger — "and I are going to be in it, and it starts shooting in 14 months, the day after Arnold stops being governor of California," he said. "It's not going to be called True Lies II, but it might as well be. I can live with that."

So, what movie is Tom Arnold talking about? If you read it correctly, a task at which half the movie internet seems to have failed at, you would say that Tom Arnold is talking about an untitled original project to be directed by James Cameron and star Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tom Arnold. Unfortunately, he said the words True Lies II in there, and even though he is clearly saying "it won't be called True Lies II", people seemed to think he was talking about a sequel. Wrong.

James Cameron debunked the non-existent True Lies II rumor on AICN. I wouldn't want to sound sensationalist, but if (and I'm not saying I think this is true, because I don't, just that it's possible) Cameron, Schwarzenegger and Arnold were working on some secret movie together, it's sort of funny that AICN asked about TLII, because Cameron would be able to honestly debunk it.

May God Have Mercy on Your Summer

What the f---, moviegoing public? Where were we? Universal Pictures, which has always seemed to be an inadvertent favorite of mine based on the number of their DVDs I find myself owning, had a blockbuster summer: Drag Me to Hell, Land of the Lost, Public Enemies, Brüno and Funny People, only without the blockbuster. Only one of those movies (Public Enemies) is going to cross the $100m mark domestically, and it's depressing. I'm chastising myself too; even I only saw three of the five movies I listed (I have yet to catch Public Enemies or Brüno -- but I will).

Last summer, Universal put out crap like The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor and raked in $401.1 million dollars in worldwide grosses (before the movie probably racked up another $150m on DVD), and even earlier this year, people stuffed the studio's coffers with $342.9m for the fourth Fast and the Furious movie (although I admit, I did give it a mostly-positive review). So I'm baffled why people didn't show up for seemingly sure things like Brüno and Funny People. Sure, I guess Land of the Lost had mediocre trailers and genre fans and Raimi devotees are likely to get the most out of Drag Me to Hell, but I have a harder time understanding that no Borat fans wanted to check out Brüno and that Judd Apatow's name wasn't enough to lure audiences in to watch an Adam Sandler movie.

Regardless of the reason, the truth is depressing. The studio offered up one of the best summer lineups I can remember (usually there's at least one absolute dud, although perhaps that slot is reserved for Couples Retreat, which I bet is going to die a similar sad death at the box office), with the kind of material designed to appeal to both mainstream and specific audiences, and nobody saw it. I also expect Inglourious Basterds to underperform, which will not only screw Universal, but it will actually kill the Weinstein Company. If only the disgusting box office of Transformers: Rise of the Fallen could be chopped up and mailed to Universal, the world would be a better place. It can't, and I suppose I'll live, but the next person who complains that studios don't make any good movies is going to get smacked. Shame on you.

Just for the hell of it, here are the trailers for Universal's five summer releases and two upcoming releases. You can probably catch Land of the Lost and Drag Me to Hell at dollar theaters, while the other three are, as of this writing, ostensibly still playing at a theater near you. Awesomely, embedding is disabled on all of the trailers for the movies I could find. I guess disabling embedding is the new way of ruining YouTube. You know, studios, the solution is, get your own f---ing YouTube channel and allow only your own uploads of the trailer to exist, with embedding. That's how you win. This just makes me frustrated while I'm trying to promote your damn movies.

Drag Me to Hell | Land of the Lost | Public Enemies | Brüno | Funny People | Couples Retreat | Inglourious Basterds