Remake Watch 2009: OLD NEWS and, yep, The Fly.

I know I open almost every post like this, but since I've started writing for Boxoffice.com I've become greatly distracted. Rest assured, content is coming. In the meantime, I have wheel-spinning link-lists to fall back on, like Remake Watch 2009. Here's a bunch of old news you've already heard about projects that are, except for one, not new to the Remake Watch 2009 count.

First up is 20th Century Fox's wonderfully moronic decision to reboot the Fantastic Four franchise, which they started in 2005. Yes, it's been FOUR WHOLE YEARS since the franchise started, and TWO WHOLE YEARS since the last entry, 2007's Rise of the Silver Surfer. Oh, the times, they are a-changin'. Via Variety.

Last time I reported on the live-action Akira remake, it was dying. I guess it's not so dead after all. Via Collider.

In actual good news, Joel and Ethan Coen have reunited with Big Lebowski star Jeff Bridges for their True Grit remake. They should actually make it a double remake and a sequel to Lebowski by retitling it The Dude Goes West. Via Variety.

The Highlander remake is runnin' on NOS! There can only be one Drift King when Fast & Furious director and would-be Oldboy remaker Justin Lin takes control of the project. ComingSoon.

Also, I read on my Twitter feed that David Cronenberg is rebooting The Fly. No confirmation yet, but I'll be sure to run back and edit this post if anything develops.

EDIT: The Hollywood Reporter's Risky Biz Blog is corroborating the Cronenberg remake story. I haven't yet figured out how to add this to the tally. Is this another remake of the original, or is Cronenberg remaking his 1986 version? I have no idea. It's kind of baffling, actually. THR mentions that Cronenberg can do new things with the visual effects, but the makeup work on the original, by Chris Walas (who directed The Fly II) and Stephan Dupuis, won an Oscar. I guess I'd like to think that Cronenberg has some crazy new idea for this one, and it won't actually be much like his Jeff Goldblum version other than the basic concept.

More importantly, where are they going to find someone as awesome and stunning as 1980's Geena Davis?





Remake Watch 2009:
28 film remakes announced
5 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
3 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween II) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Swamp Thing, The Blob

This stuff is all a few days old, but this isn't really a news site, and my new post at Boxoffice.com is eating up a considerable amount of my free time. Matt Lingo and Nathan Kerce should have Top 20s coming though, if you're actually checking this site for updates.

Collider reports that Joel Silver is developing a Swamp Thing remake. I feel like all of my knowledge of Swamp Thing is pretty peripheral. My friend had an elaborate action figure playset of Swamp Thing when we were younger, and I know the original DVD of Wes Craven's version was recalled because someone had used a version with a bunch of extra nudity in it, even though the film is rated PG. Other than that, my awareness is pretty low.

On the eve of Halloween II's release, Variety posted the news that Rob Zombie will be directing a remake of The Blob. I don't have much to say about that either. Frank Darabont and Chuck Russell's 1988 remake gets a lot of praise, but I have to say I only thought it was okay. The gore effects were amazing, though.

I'm updating the tally of released films in advance, because I'm not making a devoted post to the release of Sorority Row. Also, there's been a lot of chatter on The Crazies remake, but it was announced in 2008.

Remake Watch 2009:
28 film remakes announced
5 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
3 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween II) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: "Heathers"

Variety reports from the Bad Idea department at 20th Century Fox (i.e. all of 20th Century Fox) that they're developing a series based on the 1989 comedy Heathers and someone who worked on "Sex and the City" is writing for it.

Of all the remakes I've reported on this year, this easily ranks among the top 3 worst, just because the ideas and plot of Heathers absolutely do not lend themselves to weekly adventures. In fact, to have them do anything other than what happens in the movie would reduce them all to their most superficial elements. On one hand, Heathers is a movie that goes to dark, dark extremes in search of bleak comedy, and on the other hand, it's a show about a bunch of manipulative girls in a clique and the one outsider they've let in. Which of these angles do you think 20th Century Fox and a writer from "Sex and the City" are going to feel lends itself to an ongoing series?

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
3 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: "Skins"

ComingSoon reports via MTV that the network is developing a remake of the BBC show "Skins" for American television, with the original's co-creator Bryan Elsley tagging along for the ride.

The most interesting thing I learned from the article was that the original was written entirely by teens. When I reviewed the first two seasons, I only picked up on one of the episodes being written by a teenager, because the teenager was also an actor (Daniel Kaluuya). Elsley claims that he'll be making sure the same thing happens on the American version, but don't be offended if you catch me not holding my breath.

One of the comments on ComingSoon says that the sex and drugs are the best part and hopes that they're kept in. I don't know how true this is on the surface, but I agree in the sense that I don't need these to be clean-cut kids and for everything to be extensive and pat in its moralizing of the subjects. There is plenty of sex and drugs in "Skins" Series 1 and 2. Sometimes it has consequences, sometimes it doesn't. It's just there, and I hope the American version remains the same in that regard. The series was also bittersweet, which was one of the things I liked best about it, and I again wonder if MTV will be able to let it stand.

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
2 TV remakes announced

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: EVERYTHING EVER WTF

I hate to do so many Remake Watch posts, but I'm working on a fairly extensive article, and there should be some other stuff up soon. Still, even if that stuff was almost ready to go, I'd still have to make this post because Hollywood just went remake crazy. Like last time, I've attached a picture of Chloe Sevigny that has no bearing on anything. Here's the rundown:

- Darren Lynn Bousman started work on a remake of Roger Corman's Mother's Day at some point, and I forgot about it until Briana Evigan and Alexa Vega joined the cast. Via ShockTillYouDrop.

- Shoot 'Em Up's writer/director Michael Davis is heading to Outland. Matthew Lingo approves this message. Via Variety.

- Nobody puts Baby in a corner twice! Will women be drawn in by a Dirty Dancing remake when the sequel (which even had Swayze!) seems to have been largely ignored? Via Production Weekly.

- Japanese film Yomigaeri is being remade into Rainbow Bridge by DreamWorks, with the screenwriter of The Time Traveler's Wife hard at work on a second draft. Variety.

- Sadly, that Disney motion-capture animation movie Robert Zemeckis has been chatting about looks like it's probably his remake of The Beatles' Yellow Submarine, and not Who Framed Roger Rabbit II. Via The Hollywood Reporter.

- Bryan Singer is looking to direct an Excalibur remake, and he also has a big-screen Battlestar Galactica reboot in the pipeline (that won't follow the Sci-Fi TV show, for some reason). Via The Hollywood Reporter.

- There is also an inkling that Fox, a studio that only understands things like fart jokes and talking animals and is unaware of the R rating's existence, might be considering rebooting The X-Files film series with new actors and whatnot, which will just piss everyone off. The report is at Moviehole, but it seems to have come from X-Files News. I couldn't find a link on XFN to put here, so Moviehole it is.

Lastly, even though it won't be out until 2010, you can watch the trailer for The Wolfman right here. I like it.

A jump of 6 remakes!

ETA: I guess there's also a Highlander remake with a recent script review. The Hollywood Reporter reported it in 2008, so it doesn't belong on RW 2009, but I figured I'd add it in.

Remake Watch 2009:
26 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Poltergeist, Paprika

Shock Till You Drop exclusively revealed that the remake of Tobe Hooper's Poltergeist will be arriving in theaters on November 24th, 2010. I haven't watched Poltergeist in a long time, which I really feel like I should do before I bother having much of an opinion on it, although at one time writer Nick Prescott said it was one of his favorite films of the 1980s.

Moviehole also informs the world about Wolfgang Petersen's apparent interest in regurgitating Satoshi Kon's Paprika. Since I haven't seen that at all, I don't have much to say about it either, but it seems like it could go either way. The movie is supposed to be weird and trippy, and I imagine it would only be more weird and trippy when realized in live action (at least, I assume it would be, since Petersen is a live-action filmmaker -- the article is unclear). Of course, on the other hand, it might just prompt the studio to demand the trippiness (i.e. visual effects) be toned back to save on budget.

Remake Watch 2009:
20 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Harvey, The Orphanage, Gunsmoke, Enter the Dragon

This news is several days old, but I'm lazy: Steven Spielberg will be directing a remake of Harvey for DreamWorks and 20th Century Fox. I haven't seen Harvey since I was in the 8th grade, but I remember enjoying it. In my opinion, the original is held in a weird sort of light esteem that would seem to counteract the possibility that Spielberg will make any sort of impact with a repeat telling, but then again, he's Steven Spielberg, so you never know. I didn't like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in theaters and I kind of hated it on DVD, but I'm hoping that the first Tintin movie will be an awesome return to form.

Meanwhile, The Hollywood Reporter has an update about Larry Fessenden's remake of The Orphanage, which I've been meaning to watch. Spanish auteur Guillermo Del Toro seems to be as involved with the remake as he was with the original (i.e. lots), so hopefully it won't suck.

Lastly, Ain't It Cool News is reporting that John Wayne's Gunsmoke is about to get a redo. Say what you will about me, being a film writer and all, but I've yet to see a John Wayne picture. Westerns were never my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, quit whining, I'll get to them sooner rather than later.

As a side note, Latino Review has revived talk of the Enter the Dragon remake. Oh well. Color me uninterested. The original is about Bruce Lee, not the plot or anything else in it, and without Lee, there's really nothing worth talking about.

I briefly considered posting a picture of PJ Harvey with this article, but then I didn't.

Remake Watch 2009:
18 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Jesus Christ Superstar

THR's Risky Biz Blog is reporting that Jesus Christ Superstar is potentially next on the remake chopping block. I don't know anything about the original or the musical, but Marc Webb, director of (500) Days of Summer is potentially helming. I hope it's just like that movie, with Jesus and Mary bonding over Smiths songs and anal sex jokes, with cute animations come to life.

Also, it turns out Ridley Scott is directing the Alien prequel, as per Variety. I think I'm gonna take it off the "reboot" list. Funny, how it went from a remake, to a reboot, to just seeming like another entry in the franchise.

Remake Watch 2009:
16 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
1 reboot announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Nothing!

That's right, nothing! After a slew of remake announcements, it's been all quiet on the new remake front for a few days. In order to satisfy your remake-news needs, however, I have dug up quite a bit of information on already-announced remakes, and attached an awesome, hot picture of Chloe Sevigny, just because I f--ing want to, and I totally f---ing can.

- The Karate Kid is now called The Kung-Fu Kid. Also, they changed the name of the mentor character to Mr. Han and made him a janitor, among other things. Whether or not it actually qualifies as a remake anymore is debatable. Source: The Associated Press.

- Speaking of not-remakes, some site called Mania has a blurb about how Stephen Norrington's Crow film is about an entirely new character and changes the story. Hmmm...

- Kate Bosworth signed on to the Straw Dogs remake, along with Alexander Skarsgård. Via Variety.

- Nicolas Cage tells MTV that the second Ghost Rider should be a whole new take on the character. Soon they'll be rebooting movies before they start!

Remake Watch 2009:
15 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: An American Werewolf in London, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Bloody-Disgusting has the exclusive on John Landis' An American Werewolf in London being remade by The Weinstein Co., while The Hollywood Reporter has the information on Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.

Aside from the fact that John Landis' original film is a classic, werewolves are inherently boring. They're kind of like the lame cousin of zombies that nobody talks about, and even in that sense, Hollywood totally ran the zombie train into the ground (with the 10-ton vampire caboose bringing up the rear), so a werewolf movie just sounds like the s---ty version of a boring idea. It's too bad, the exception was The Wolf Man, but then Mark Romanek quit and they replaced him with Joe Johnston, and my interest was permanently dead. Matt counters by saying they're "a good metaphor", but I don't think Hollywood has any interesting ideas for werewolves (as evidenced by their ideas for the aforementioned zombies and vampires) that would involve metaphors and s---.

As for Don't, produced by Guillermo Del Toro and probably starring Guy Pearce, I just think of the Nickelodeon show "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" and how much more I'd rather see that.

I remember recently I was in a bookstore, and someone was talking about the Three Stooges movie, and he was telling a customer he heard on the radio that Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, and Guillermo Del Toro were in it. Except he said Gallardo Del Toro, or Guerrero St. Toro, or something really stupid. Thanks, bookstore guy. Now whenever I hear Guillermo Del Toro's name, I'll always think of that. He even knew it was wrong on a subconscious level, because he was surprised the filmmakers had cast the director of Pan's Labyrinth. Of course, he meant Benicio Del Toro, who is starring in The Wolf Man, so I tied that story back around. Kinda.

It was also announced that the It's Alive remake is going direct-to-DVD via First Look Studios after WB dumped it.

Remake Watch 2009:
15 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released
1 remakes announced/released direct-to-DVD
1 TV remake

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch: Blood Simple, RoboCop

Holy s---, do I get to make an entirely awesome Remake Watch post? I think I do. First, the Associated Press says director Zhang Yimou (Hero and House of Flying Daggers) is about to start shooting a remake of The Coen Brothers' debut picture Blood Simple. I love Blood Simple, but unlike some films I love, the idea of a remake is crazy and interesting, a feeling that's only increased because the remake is foreign and by a notable filmmaker. Of course, Blood Simple's film-noir plot, with its lost lighters, unscrupulous detectives and bodies that don't stay dead, is so f---ing awesome I have a hard time imagining anyone screwing it up either, so that's probably part of it.

Also, after CHUD questioned Aronofsky's commitment to the RoboCop remake, they've confirmed that it's still on like Donkey Kong. I left a comment to Devin Faraci about how Aronofsky had the same non-committal answer that made Devin suspicious in the first piece months and months ago when I saw The Wrestler in Seattle with the director in attendance (I was the one who asked about it), but either way, it's good that he's still on board. RoboCop is probably the most potentially awesome remake on the books at the moment; I feel pretty strongly that, as great as the original is, this is one of those rare chances the remake could actually be better. I hate to cite everyone's favorite "reboot" example, but there's some really great Nolan-plus-Batman potential here (by which really I mean I think Aronofsky-plus-RoboCop could totally eclipse the success of Nolan-plus-Batman and become the new "reboot" success story. I hope).

Also, Moviehole reports they're remaking some Australian movie I've never heard of. Must be good, if the remake process doesn't involve the profile of the original picture.

Remake Watch 2009:
13 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Meatballs

Digital Spy says that Bill Murray's first major film Meatballs is in the works for a rehash at Paramount. Yet another project that doesn't really scream for a remake. Admittedly, Meatballs was Murray's first notable role, and it wasn't until test screenings that director Ivan Reitman and co. knew what they had in him, but most comedy vehicles, both then and now, were developed for the star that headlined them. The plot of Meatballs is that it's summer camp. Without Murray, it's not so much that the concept doesn't hold any draw, it's more that it's barely even a concept to begin with. Imagine in 40 years when they're remaking Will Ferrell's movies like Talladega Nights -- a NASCAR driver falls from grace and has to redeem himself. It's Shakespearean, isn't it?

Also, Latino Review claims that Roland Kickinger is actually not Conan after all, but their piece is so poorly written that I can't take the reporting seriously. I don't think the collective internet roared with laughter when the supposed announcement was made, nor is THR a remarkably unreliable source. If they were talking about the rumor that Eddie Murphy was the Riddler, Rachel Weisz was Catwoman and Shia LaBeouf was Robin, then maybe their mockery would be justified.

Remake Watch 2009:
11 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Teen Wolf, Das Experiment

If you guessed I made that Cold Souls post just to space out another Remake Watch post, you'd be right.

Moviehole howls about a Teen Wolf redo, and CHUD says Das Experiment is being reformulated. Meh. I have almost nothing to say about either of these. I mean, even if you like Teen Wolf, could your fan-love for it really be so strong as to loathe the idea of a remake? I doubt even the guys who wrote it have that much devotion to the original. By which I mean, I doubt anyone gives a s--- about the franchise, much less whether or not a remake exists.

Also, Roland Kickinger is the new Conan, and there's a trailer for The Stepfather remake. Yeah, I don't care about those either.

Remake Watch 2009:
10 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Bride of Frankenstein

Making three Remake Watch 2009 posts in a row is kind of gross, but I'm not the one with my hand on the greenlight button in Hollywood, I guess. In any case, something called The Risky Biz Blog is reporting that Universal Studios plans to remake Bride of Frankenstein.

Does the Frankenstein character have any real brand recognition anymore? Is this really going to get teenagers hearts pumping? These pretty stupid questions, as Frankenstein is one of the most famous literary monsters ever, but they're the kind of questions a Hollywood executive might have pondered before pushing the button, and I'm surprised the answer was "yes". It seems like a grotesque stretch, reeking of the worst kind of Hollywood unoriginality. They just don't want to have to write a new story and sell it, so they find a movie with a similar plot and tag it as a remake. And why remake Bride of Frankenstein but not start with Frankenstein? It does seem like there could be a cool new set of movies with classic Universal monsters, but I wonder why they're not starting at the beginning.

In the film's defense, I guess, I do like Neil Burger, who wrote and directed the theatrical blink that was The Lucky Ones last year, which featured an Oscar-worthy and completely ignored performance by Rachel McAdams and similarly great work by Tim Robbins and Michael Pena. Not that it's a good representation of why he'd be good at writing Bride of Frankenstein, but, shut up.

Remake Watch 2009:
8 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Akira

Something new to report! Bloody-Disgusting says that the live-action Akira remake is actually dead.

Dead? I agree with CHUD, who suggests that the relative failure of Terminator Salvation and Watchmen might have caused them to rethink their potential investment (I'm sure the path to $200m being the road their $30m comedy juggernaut The Hangover is walking on is going to define their output in 2010 or 2011). It's too bad, this was one of the few remakes I thought had some legitimate potential. Not that I'll lose any sleep over it.

CHUD also reports that The Birds may be equally dead. I wasn't at all interested in that, but it is a surprise, I was sure when Martin Campbell and Naomi Watts were announced as being attached, it was going somewhere. Guess not...

Remake Watch 2009:
7 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released
1 remake canceled

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: The Incredible Mr. Limpet

ComingSoon.net informs us that The Incredible Mr. Limpet is being churned out again, this time by Enchanted director Kevin Lima. I haven't seen the original, so I don't have much comment, but based on the DVD cover, I'm guessing it's a live-action animation blend, which is something I find myself inescapably drawn to (no pun intended). Ultimately, my desire to see more of those types of hybrids counters my dislike of remakes. Score one for Limpet!

Also, Conan and The Warriors may have had some news or errant movement this week, but both have been on the cards forever and the latter may not actually be moving forward, ever. I am surprised to see ComingSoon boldly insisting that Conan will be a remake, though, because the character seems fairly open-ended.

Remake Watch 2009:
7 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Valley Girl

That's the problem with Remake Watch: I'm going to end up updating this column every single day, if not repeatedly.

Moviehole reveals that someone I haven't heard of and already can't remember a mere minute and a half after reading the article is turning Valley Girl into a musical. Frankly, I'm surprised they chose Valley Girl instead of trying to re-adapt the Legally Blonde musical back into a movie. You'd think such pointlessness would be greatly appealing to someone with a lot of money.

I also hate to look like a bandwagoner, but Devin Faraci is right, so forget the new Scream film being a reboot.

ETA: Actually, the jury's still out on Scream. Bloody-Disgusting insists it's a reboot. It doesn't really make sense, but we'll see how things turn out.

Remake Watch 2009:
6 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Part 5

Equilibrium director Kurt Wimmer has signed on to write the Total Recall remake for Sony, sayeth Bloody-Disgusting. Wimmer also directed the Milla Jovovich sci-fi action movie Ultraviolet, which is one of the best unintentionally funny movies of the decade. No word if Wimmer might also helm Recall once the ink is dry.

I also forgot that Kevin Williamson is working on resurrecting Wes Craven's Scream franchise with a whole new trilogy, and while their participation has long been rumored, offers are finally out to Courtney Cox and David Arquette, according to EW. I dunno how I feel about that. Then again, there are probably established rules for the sixth film in a horror franchise. In fact, as long as they keep making Saw movies, they can keep making Scream movies as well.

Since Total Recall is already being accounted for, I only added one to the "reboot" column, for the Scream film.

Remake Watch 2009:
5 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
3 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Part 4

Well, that Alien remake is apparently actually an Alien prequel, according to Collider, which is easier to ignore. I can't get nearly as up in arms about a prequel. In the meantime, we'll refile the project as a "reboot". Which means I should also note the Predator reboot they're doing.

Remake Watch 2009:
5 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots announced
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.

Remake Watch 2009: Part 3

So, at ComingSoon they just posted an article about an upcoming remake of Girls Just Want to Have Fun, a 1985 comedy starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Isn't the point -- er, financial motivation -- behind a remake that you have a brand name of sorts you can capitalize on and not have to market something new to audiences? Even though I'm pretty sure they sell this movie at Targets across the country for $5.00, it doesn't mean anyone's chomping at the bit to see the "franchise" continue or the "brand name" revitalized. At least people have heard of Dawn of the Dead and The Manchurian Candidate and would likely see a remake.

I'm glad we just don't care anymore. We'll pillage anything to avoid having to come up with a fresh idea. I feel like Girls Just Want to Have Fun was selected because Sarah Jessica Parker was in it. Just the fact that someone who is currently famous was in a movie is now grounds for remaking it. I'm sure they'll have a new Once Bitten going into production in no time.

I also forgot that the Footloose remake was probably announced this year, so I added it to the tally.

Remake Watch 2009:
8 film remakes announced
4 film remakes released
2 tv remakes released
2 reboots released

A "reboot" is defined by Remake Watch as a new attempt at a film series with new actors playing old characters (thus, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Race to Witch Mountain are excluded). Sequels to remakes (The Pink Panther 2, Halloween 2) are ignored.